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Matt Steen
Cartoonist |
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The Kingdom of Best Buy
Posted: Oct 04, 2007 12:00 am
I’m not a big fan of department and technology stores posting employees at the entrance and exits of their store. Honestly they make me uncomfortable and self conscious every time I’m force to say “Hello” when trying to buy something. The main culprits of this practice are Best Buy, Fry’s Electronics and Wal-mart. These stores would have you believe that these employee guards are to welcome customers into the store and present the appearance of good customer service, but I think that these stores really see themselves as mini kingdoms that must be protected, much like Canada.
The goal of these store kingdoms is to eventually take over the world with their low prices and quality products. The employee guards are there to ensure that their kingdom is kept safe from the large amount of illegal immigrants that pass through its borders on a daily basis. You see, these kingdoms have an open border policy in the hopes that when you visit their country, you will purchase some of their local products stimulating their economy. In fact, all of these store kingdoms are dependent on foreign trade and outsourced labor from the surrounding communities who see them as simply another department store. This model was inspired by NAFTA.
Anyway, whenever I visit one of these stores I never feel comfortable with my interaction with the employee guards. I either feel like I ignored them or they ignored me or my “hello” was too needy. There’s nothing worse to an employee guard than an overly needy customer.
My shopping experience in these store kingdoms is usually pretty good. The locals are friendly and helpful, and I find what I’m looking for. After I’m done I head for the border exit, but this is the worst part of the store kingdom experience. If I haven’t bought anything I get the cold shoulder by the guard, as if I’m a criminal who has stuffed his pants with TVs and computer hard drives. If I have bought something they want make sure I haven’t loaded up my bag with things that I haven’t paid for, even though they watched my whole transaction at the checkout only five feet away. It’s this level of distrust and paranoia that is hindering these store kingdoms from really welding any real power on the world stage.
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Matt Steen
Cartoonist |
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Lazy Day Weekend
Posted: Aug 31, 2007 12:00 am
As we apprach this Labor Day weekend, I begin to wonder about the meaning of this most unusual holiday. At first glance Mr. Spock from Star Trek might conclude, logically, that Labor Day means a day for labor, however, this is not the case. You see Labor Day was started so that the working masses could take a day off of work and relax. This seems very deceiving to me. Clearly Labor Day is not about labor at all, but rather the opposite of labor. They should call it Lazy Day!
In fact, calling it Labor Day doesn’t make any sense, which makes me wonder if it really was called Lazy Day in the beginning. But after a couple of years the greeting card companies probably started complaining, “We can’t sell ‘Lazy Day’ cards! Christmas, Valentines Day, Thanksgiving, Easter, and Mother’s Day all slam dunks! Cards go flying off the shelves! But no one wants to be reminded of how lazy they are!”
So the Card companies made the Holiday makers change Lazy Day to Labor Day in order to reflect a more positive image for mass card selling business models. Actually, come to think of it I’m not sure if Labor Day cards sell very well either.
However the Labor Day holiday got its name made little difference to the parents of children however. All they see is a holiday that said “Labor” in the name, which meant in my house when I was a kid, that it was time to dig holes. Holes in the backyard, hole in front yard, and holes in the side yard. I’m not sure why our family dug so many holes, but all I can remember from the age of nine to fifteen was dust flying all over the yard, covering people from head to toe. My dad said it had something to do with responsibility.
Anyway, later I moved out and got an apartment, bringing my hole digging traditions with me. And every Labor Day I celebrated by digging holes in my apartment. My landlord wasn’t too pleased with me, but I’m sure he wasn’t nearly as mad as the guy down stairs, who also happened to be my landlord.
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Matt Steen
Cartoonist |
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"Big Recycle" Cashes In
Posted: Aug 27, 2007 9:00 am
Does anyone out there realize that junk mail accounts for 98.5% of my garbage in a given week? It’s almost an epidemic! There’s just something wrong with getting a credit card application in the mail from a company with whom which I already own a credit card. It really shows off their stellar record keeping skills. I’m so glad they have access to my social security number and credit history.
Then again, maybe junk mail is a sneaky way for companies to donate money to the recycling industry without detection. Think about it, they give us junk we don’t want, a green recycling bin that’s twice the size of a regular garbage bin, a national guilt trip to recycle or face the consequences of a world without the icecaps, and “Big Recycle” cashes in! They get us to donate the resources, and no one’s the wiser.
No matter what we think out junk mail though, it must work or else why would they spend money on it? There must be people out there surprised to find that they “could be an instant winner,” or marvel at the fact that they are “pre-approved,” then rush to fill out and send back the forms. These people must have stacks of free magazines and credit cards just stock piled in their living rooms, wondering how they got so lucky. “Pass me another credit card there Junior, we’re all out of coasters.”
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